Should I do what’s Right, Or just be Consistent?
In my head, ideas tend to be way more fluid than the are in reality. To explain to our Marketing Manager how the Olsson’s website is organized, would require me to pin some things down. I would have to add a layer of requirements that doesn’t exist in principle. We are ‘free’ to do anything we want to the site, within some loose framework, but for the purpose of day-to-day maintenance, no matter who takes over, I have to dictate some serious constraints. That’s where it starts to get really unpleasant for me. Maybe I could code in a lot of guidance with scripts, but it would really be a crufty layer on top of everything. You have to settle for doing things a particular way, instead of retaining the freedom to move quickly.
From a CNN article:
Making Cellphones Easy Is Hard
“As the universe of people who want a cell phone and don’t already have one gets smaller, wireless carriers are counting on advanced services to generate the bulk of new revenue in coming years.”
What about usability testing? Make the phones cheaper and more reliable?
Posted in computer-interface, olssons, infogami-blog | no comments | no trackbacksPosted by Evan Bittner
Mon, 29 May 2006 18:08:00 GMT
It’s Memorial Day, and I’m at work. The Group from the Project Management class wanted to get together today. We have to give a presentation tomorrow, and so naturally everybody is a bit upset with me. Whenever I work on the project, I am completely halted by the sheer inanity of doing things this way, so I’m essentially useless. Meanwhile, I’m spending a lot of the time meeting with my girlfriend (a key project sponsor in my life), talking things over with Sam in Accounting, and writing copious amounts of drivel here on my blog. I’m feeling tremendous pressure to “do it wrong” from all sides. My classmates are ‘normal people’ who consider the class a high priority, and work on the thing in front of them, and it must seem like I’m not doing that. But, this class is not the thing in front of me. There is a fog in front of me that I need to cut my way through. I have larger problems that need solving, and the class is a pretty big problem itself. Still, I believe the class is important. I want to get through it too.
Sure, I guess it’s my fault, but a lot of times I see that we’re doing things ‘out of order’. That sometimes translates into “I forgot to do something, and it would be best to take it from the top.” But with the class so compressed, every day is a lost opportunity. Slowing down to consider is basically impossible. But I walked in to this situation without some key information. Since I’m thinking more about the real world, I’ll say more about it: I would have more information about each member of the project team. I would have some documentation of their skills, and that would provide me a basis for assigning tasks.
It’ll be time soon to do a much fuller analysis of what I do here at Olsson’s and put together a new life.
Posted in infogami-blog, school | no comments | no trackbacksPosted by Evan Bittner
Mon, 29 May 2006 16:09:00 GMT
I’m still trying to find the right way to say it - My trouble with school boils down to the fact that all too often they rely on me to have some advanced knowledge that they refuse to teach. I’m well aware from getting hit over the head enough times that I learn a different way. Maybe it’s reasonable to expect most people can make up a business plan out of their imagination. It doesn’t seem like my group can. To me it’s no wonder. I’d much rather take this time and effort and apply it to a real situation in my life. Do the hard stuff with an idea I already understand. I finally respect the artifice of it - the proper form of documents for each person you need to impress - but by the time I figure out what’s needed, there’s hardly any time left to do it. The trial by fire stuff is great for weeding people out, but whenever I tried to suggest that I would be the one getting weeded out, everybody thought it was nonsense - that I was being defeatist. There are times to make rational calculations about future outcomes, you know.
I was reading Language Log just now, and thinking about a few of the articles when it struck me that in a text like this law, all the sentences are finely crafted to play a specific role. They’re - dare I say it - almost subversive. You can read those sentences, and know the surface meaning instantly. But look closer, and you see how they might snag you. Traps not so hidden. What’s more, the effect is partly due to the fact that with laws, as wordy as they get, the economy of words is still brutal. Imagine how long it could be if they decided to spell it all out. Of course they don’t want people to be able to read it. It’s code, not communication.
Just wondering aloud: In the absence of an effective method, should I refrain from action?
Posted in school, infogami-blog, ontology | no comments | no trackbacksPosted by Evan Bittner
Sun, 28 May 2006 19:11:00 GMT
I noticed that with work and school weeks, the daily sleep cycle, and larger intervals like monthly payments or school semesters, I have to take an obsessive interest in time. Any sort of deadline sticks pins into the flow of time and obstructs it. Nothing so strange there, but I can’t seem to meet those requirements casually. I seem to need to obsess over when things need to happen, and this creates a high level of anxiety. On the one hand, during a typical work day, I’m hunting for little scraps of time to work on tasks that would take hours of clear-headed focus. When I actually get to go home and have about four hours to myself, I don’t experience time as the gift it should be. When I get a day off, I see only hour after hour of wasteland. I wonder if I’m not at the point of no return: The only way to relieve the anxiety is to turn my back on everything. I’m afraid I might have wandered off to take a walk too many times when I had serious work to do.
It fascinates me that business management would come up with the task. It works great when you already know what needs to be done. You can’t do it all yourself, because it has to be completed quickly, and a lot of different parts need to be done in parallel. So, it is easy to see that some things are knowable but not doable by one person. In truth, nothing is really knowable. Some things are just more routine than others. Some of the oldest, most reliable procedures still get messed up sometimes, but when you move into the unknown, you’re really asking for trouble. I thought I might learn something about breaking apart the things I need to do. At work I’ve developed a kind of system: lists of reminders. But they’re still not really tasks. Every item on the list is shorthand. Some items are simple units that can be completed, but other items are about ongoing processes.
Posted in school, infogami-blog, olssons | no comments | no trackbacksPosted by Evan Bittner
Sun, 28 May 2006 14:40:00 GMT
There is not much of a guiding idea to my group project. We don’t know what we’re doing. And really, why would we? I got the impression that some of the other groups were really getting along and coming up with good ideas. Not us. I suck as the leader, but I still doubt anybody else would have done better. There are just so many new concepts. Just because I know how to use some Microsoft Office programs, doesn’t mean I’m suddenly also going to know what makes sense as a task on a Gantt Chart. I have to have a really intimate idea of what is supposed to happen before I can start to explain it to people. The closest I’ve come to leading the group is asking “Does anybody know what we’re doing?”
I have endless difficulties with the frame of reference. I never know if we are discussing a real-world analogy, an assignment for the group to hand in, or a suggestion for how our group should be working. More than once I found out later that I was too hasty with a categorization. I find the teacher much too vague for the onslaught of information. This is the sort of material I would slow down and mark out. Once again, we would benfit from a kind of workshop. We could take actual concrete examples and examine what was actually done.
Do you think I’m going to start making Gantt charts for the things I do? Some of it is really complicated. I can map out a trip to the Laundry down to the minute, and program in slack time and milestones. Of course, it would take me longer than returning with a load of laundry, but it would be good practice.
Posted in school, infogami-blog | no comments | no trackbacksPosted by Evan Bittner
Sun, 28 May 2006 04:32:00 GMT
So I was overreacting about Christina. She called me on her lunch break today. She was afraid that I was still mad at her. I should’ve known. That’s clearly a danger. I almost never get angry with her.
I’m still falling apart, though. I need to really work on the group project, and suppress my nagging doubts about everything.
Posted in relationship-angst, infogami-blog | no comments | no trackbacksPosted by Evan Bittner
Sat, 27 May 2006 21:56:00 GMT
I don’t understand what I’m doing anymore. Why am I attempting this complicated odyssey when I don’t have the basics under control?
All or nothing is NOT my style. I do a lot better with a gradual process. I’m sick of not being able to do things my way; of feeling tremendous weight on my shoulders when I’m trying to break out. Why am I always finding out too late that I’ve signed up for a brutal commitment?
In other news, I don’t think Christina is talking to me anymore. I didn’t expect this to happen. She obviously thinks I abandoned her Sunday. It makes me really angry that she thinks that when I was waiting for her a few blocks away. It’s nice to have a girlfriend sometimes, but the last thing I need is somebody to make more trouble for me when I’m already living on the edge.
Posted in infogami-blog, relationship-angst, school | no comments | no trackbacksPosted by Evan Bittner
Sat, 27 May 2006 17:49:00 GMT
Everything simple. On my terms. On my schedule. No friction between thinking and doing. Charm and Grace. No pushing myself. Achievements without anxiety. I think I know what is important, but it requires a serious commitment, and it could be a serious disaster if I’m wrong. I can’t be afraid to buck the trend - to blaze my own path - but that would mean embracing disaster. The stakes are higher. But I’m not sure if that is true: This slow tailspin I’m in now may just as well be worse.
So what do I do? No, think about the question. What is it that I do? Not: What should I do.
I played hookie from the group meeting. Somehow we need documentation by Saturday night, and a slideshow Tuesday. I think maybe I have to let go. But I predict that letting go will mean doing nothing. Won’t I fall down?
Posted in school, infogami-blog | no comments | no trackbacksPosted by Evan Bittner
Fri, 26 May 2006 01:39:00 GMT
Reviewing a long post from April, this passage struck me. The painters were there seven weeks ago, and I’m still in the early phases of cleaning up after them. This bit takes on new life now that I’ve been banging my head on Project Management for a while…
Look at how it is in my life: Exceptional efforts don’t get me anywhere. I would burn out well before anyone would appreciate what I’ve done. So, I realized that the steady climb is worth more. But my mind crackles with energy until I pass out – so two problems: I can’t always meet low expectations, and when mediocre work is expected, I’m writing symphonies. I don’t want to lose that ability, but on the other hand, I have to be able to stick to something long enough to finish. There’s the rub.
Posted in infogami-blog, school, ontology | no comments | no trackbacksPosted by Evan Bittner
Thu, 25 May 2006 22:07:00 GMT
We just had a big party in the office for two coworkers who are leaving. So it’s not a normal day at work today. I got throught the work I had to do for the email newsletter, and sent some book orders, and then I was hoping to sneak in a little school work. After this, I have to go to a group meeting for Project Management. Sometimes I’m so useless after a day at work.
Sam, one of the driving forces behind the party, remarked this morning that I should have invited Christina. Funny, that. I was going to invite her Sunday, but as far as I can tell, she’s not talking to me right now. Maybe it’s just selfish of me, but I didn’t really want her to come to the party. She is bitter about some of the managers, and she left the company because she felt shafted. She would have had to get all the way over here from Vienna. And, most importantly, I can’t spend any time with her - I’ve got to go to the group meeting. I don’t doubt that she would have pouted about me running off to school. It’s all academic now. She has free time right now, and I don’t.
I don’t like the chilling effect of hard work. It threatens to invade all aspects of my life and shut everything else down. I don’t mind hard work that I understand, but whenever I take it up a notch to hard work that I don’t understand, there is always some kind of disaster. This is a concept nobody else in my life seems to get. Hard work that I don’t understand is a time sink. My entire life could get sucked down that drain. I don’t have enough time in my busy schedule to put things aside as needed. There is no real break for me - everything I put off is still waiting for me later, in bigger, badder piles. I want to be able to throttle back as appropriate when the stress gets too intense. There have been plenty of other times when I could have handled twice the workload I was given. It just left me soft and unprepared.
I’ve been waiting patiently for a chance to spend time with my girlfriend, and it can’t just be when she’s ready. I have to be ready for it too. She broods about things for a long time, then suddenly when she’s happy, she expects me to drop everything and come out to play. Doesn’t she realize that?
Posted in relationship-angst, infogami-blog, school, olssons | no comments | no trackbacksPosted by Evan Bittner
Thu, 25 May 2006 21:44:00 GMT
