I Didn't Get to Go...
We’re not 100% at the end of it, but it looks as if I am not going to BEA. I guess I never convinced myself that it wasn’t frivolous. In a sober choice, BEA will always lose. Perhaps if I had a lot of time and money, a book convention would make sense. I’m also not clear on the ramifications. We had badges. We probably got a certain number free with our American Book Association dues. So nobody spent money on me that I carelessly let fall down a drain. But the truth is, I don’t really know.
I don’t appreciate it when somebody pays me that sort of kindness. It’s like one lane of traffic blithely waving you across to the other traffic lanes that aren’t stopping. No doubt, someone is going to be hurt and upset that I didn’t rush to my splattering because - damn it! - they were being nice, and I didn’t take the offer.
I guess I never do see this coming: “Having the convention in our back yard makes it more accessible.”
Well, actually no, it doesn’t. It’s much less accessible. I make these remarks all the time, and I could go around gloating about how “I told you so.” But, in the long run nobody respects that kind of prescience. They all think I’m being pessimistic. Even just pronouncing self-fulfilling prophecies. But really it’s one more example of the same old Catch-22: Nobody here would have splurged to send me away to a convention - I even get the feeling I’m not supposed to go. The rest of my life isn’t going to step aside so that I can have a break and go to my precious convention.
It really shows when I talk about these things: I’m not interested in high-stress situations. My choice would be to lie around thinking. But, I’m smart enough to know that isn’t going to work.
Posted by Evan Bittner Sun, 21 May 2006 14:43:00 GMT
